Skip to content

UMBRELLA GRAVEYARD

You may or may not be aware that I keep a (lazy, rarely updated, soon-to-be-revived for a special project) photo collection of umbrella carcasses that litter the streets of New York–late victims of their shoddy construction and the wildly whipping wind, and a useful symbol of both consumer culture generally and of the bandaid-on-a-gunshot-wound lifestyle this city and its unique, sprawling infrastructure engenders.

A couple of weeks ago, I came across this arrangement of umbrella carcasses on Prince Street at Lafayette, in the empty lot across from the McNally Jackson bookstore. The sheer number and their purposeful arrangement leads me to believe that this was an art installation, but I haven’t found any useful information about it (though Curbed managed to take a remotely interesting public art happening and turn it into an entitled rant about upmarket burgers in about 100 words).

Anyway, here’s what I saw and enjoyed, and I hope you do too. And if anyone knows anything about this, I’d love to talk to whoever is responsible.

THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT*

Long:

Short:

* “It” is defined here as cat-themed get-up.

THIS THING LOOKS LIKE THAT THING

The message and how it’s visually conveyed is strikingly similar in these two documents, right?

HOW I FELL DOWN THE SWEEPSTAKES LAW RABBIT HOLE

Check out this strange language I spotted in the fine print for a contest that Esquire magazine is running:

Canadian winners will be required to correctly answer a mathematical testing question as a condition of receiving a prize.

Some googling shows the same line in the legalese for a contest on Redbook’s website, which suggests it’s part of the boilerplate used by Hearst, which owns both magazines. But why?

A little more digging and I learn that:

[L]otteries have three major components: the prizes have value, the sponsor benefits from the sweepstakes financially, and the winner is chosen at random. In order to avoid being an illegal private lottery, at least one of the three components must be removed.

In the United States, the sponsor usually removes the financial benefit component to avoid being classified as an illegal lottery. That is why most sweepstakes include statements in their rules that confirms that the entrant does not have to pay to enter, and that a purchase will not change the chances of winning.

Canadian sweepstakes law, unlike American law, requires that the third component, “winners are chosen by luck,” is removed. Sponsors cannot use pure luck to determine who wins a sweepstake. There must be at least some element of skill involved.

In order to remove the element of pure chance, sponsors narrow the field of potential winners by requiring a skill testing question to enter their contests. Every entrant does not have the same chance to win; only those who at least pass the skill testing question are eligible to win prizes. Of course, this is only a technicality. Most people can pass the skill testing questions without difficulty, although sponsors are required to make the test somewhat challenging.

The courts have agreed that a four-part mathematical test such as “155 plus 33 divided by 2 minus 12″ is enough to qualify as a skill-testing question.

All laws can be creatively skirted and are thus potentially rendered arbitrary, blah blah blah, but it’s a nice symbolic statement that things should be not left up to chance, pelf should be earned, windfalls should not be expected, etc. Good on you, Canada.

PLAN DENTAL

Why the internet exists:

FYI, the Spanish one has ~200,000 more views.

MORE DOGS HATE THIS

Part of an ongoing series of dogs hating (or, depending on your perspective, loving) the theme songs of low-rent, high-ratings police shows (a trend previously mentioned on this blog), here we have a bunch of dogs howling along to the theme songs of the various flavors of Law & Order.

This is my personal favorite, but all of them are quality:

(H/t to Russell.)

POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE

Stumbled upon a YouTube video of the Jonzun Crew track “Space Cowboy” and was struck by how the comments are universally positive, and paint a vivid picture of a shared experience–especially when read while listening to the goofy, happy song. Being that this is still the internet, some old head know-it-alls pipe up and show off, but even they refrain from hateration.

A few of the comments:

This song use to get everybody on the floor at the skating ring back in the day. I was around 9 years old. I still can’t skate backwards.

lol me and 5 friends did a breakdance talent show to this song, it was so damn insane we had the whole audience standing and clapping! i was like 12 0r 13 lol so glad to have this song is on here.

Me an my friends on our bike riding down the streets with the tape player tied down on our bikes playing this jam,

This was the you know what back in the day!!!!!!!

Pumas and fat laces.

Yo this is spring 83 12th grade rap is really jumpin off haunted house of rock, lookin for the perfect,new york new york, beat buffalo gals,play at your own risk,disco four (the kings of hip-hop),it feels like i’m in a time machine.Yo thanx for posting this joint you gotta be a real hip-hopper to bang this joint cuz this is one of the obscures that the radio dont play and you damn sure wont find it on lyme wire or no other site so once again good lookin.

This one got me hype for the Friday night football games! Old Skool Slammin’ Thanks for puttin’ it in play…

i miss that music thanks man for posting it . i was nine years old i loveed knight rider ,breakdancing , and video games give me a quarter at the arcade and i was in heaven hahaha those were the days .

this is the shit cruzin down whittier blvd

Man I remember this song from when I was little and we had a cookout in the backyard and my aunt and mom were both singing. They are passed now but this song brings back that memory. Love Ya!

GOD BLESS WHOEVER POSTED THIS ON HERE!

Anyway, it’s a nice pick-me-up and a mostly forgotten summer jam.

THE GOODS

A gift for you: here are some iPhone desktops I have made.

THUG MOTIVATION 2.0

So, remember how my dad got a Smart Car?

He has upped the adorable ante again and a. joined a Houston-area auto club and social-networking site for Smart Car owners, and b. taken some tasteful photographs of the tiny car basking in the sun in a roadside field of wild bluebonnets, as does every doting Texan parent each spring.

Best ever dad.

SPONSORED LINKS THAT APPEARED IN MY GMAIL TODAY

Maltese Puppies For Sale
America’s Best- And Worst-Paying Jobs
Katie Holmes Is Afraid of the Dark
Yogurt Tartlets
10 Ways to Get a Good Night’s Sleep
St. Louis Cardinals place outfielder Rick Ankiel on disabled list after collision with wall
How to Start a New Garden